Narrows: More like pointy and edgy rocks that kill your feet for three days...

The morning started off with a headache the size of Texas and half a Poptart which seems to be more and more disgusting after each time I have one. We all started to pack for our overnight backpacking trip through the Narrows. Sixteen river miles that carved out a whole mountain turn by turn. If we behaved the night before we would have been better equipped for what I refer to now as foot hell. Whatever flu or cold Sam had the previous nights was now in my system. Due to the hangover making me feel ill, I had no idea I was sick until the hike was a couple miles in.

To prep myself for this adventure we stopped at some local shops for two items that were definitely needed. Water resistant shoes. Neoprene socks. We lucked out with buying used Neoprene socks for $5 off a water sport store. The water resistant shoes were very expensive and out of my budget. So I stupidly bought a $12 pair of water shoes that you most commonly see at water parks that have nice flat surfaces and zero sharp and edgy rocks. You can probably see where this backpacking trip is going.

The Narrows start outside of the park. Since Sam wasn’t feeling well, he drove six of us up there which took about an hour or so. John stayed back at camp due to his feet already hurting. There was one last pit stop at the trail head before you have to pack out what you drop out. I tried to go when I couldn’t just so the latter method wouldn’t have to be used, but to my demise, you can’t go when you don’t wanna.

So I grabbed my pack in hurry due to holding up the crew and we followed a nice trail along a stream that would eventually grow into the Narrows. The first two miles of the trail were in open land with very little shade. After about 10 minutes, we had our first river ford. Rob, Brad, Craig and I walked right through. Sarah and Spencer had their boots on and were both carried over by Brad as we all watched with laughter.

The trail continued to a road that we walked on for a solid hour. On this road we passed a very shady looking shack. I continued to walk past it in hopes to find some shade. A little further down the road was a log cabin that had been abandoned for many years. The roof was caved in, the windows were non-existent and the walls were falling apart. To what I believe was the back yard, stood an old machine of some sort. There were no blades to say it was for log splitting but it did have a four cylinder engine. We continued to walk for about an hour and we were off the road and following the river. The canyon walls were starting to form on the side of the river. Every bend we got to the walls were taller and taller. For a short while there was a noticeable trail that we followed but it soon turned into the river. Luckily for us, the river was not high and the water did not cover the ground from wall to wall at the moment.

I started to take pictures at almost every turn but didn’t think to use a slower shutter motion to capture the rapids until the next day. Most of the hiking on this trail for me involved looking down at my feet to make sure I didn’t step on a pointy rock which resulted in missing many photo ops. Time was also not on any of our sides due to starting at a late time. As soon as the sun would go down, so would the temperature and in return the water would feel a lot colder than any of us needed.

We started at 2PM and had to hike 10 miles to the campsite. Any other hike that wasn’t on a river, I could accomplish two miles an hour. A river mile is a little different. It isn’t a straight hike. Imagine a squiggly line with 10 curves in it. Now draw an “M” over and over, without lifting the pen, until you get to the end of the line. Now imagine the line is a mile and the “M’s” you drew are my path. Now repeat that six times. That is what this hike was to my opinion. There was a point where my feet felt every little thing I stepped on and it slowed me down for quite some time. Not to mention I started feeling ill to the point where it was no longer a hangover and had to use the restroom a couple times before getting to the campsite. I even had Brad cut off one of my sleeves to use for toiletry. They only give you so much in those bags to carry it out…I guess they assume if you’re sick, you just won’t go on a hike. I don’t think I would have sat it out either way.

The sun was going down and my feet were not adapting to any rock that I saw in my near future. There was enough light hitting the top of the canyon to where it would feed us for just a little bit longer and then we came up to the first ever watering hole. No, not some oasis where you just chill out, warm up and get back on your way. I’m talking about water from one wall to another. The headlights showed aqua blue colors like what you see in the Caribbean but with not depth. Brad, Sarah, Spencer and I were the first to see this. Brad was getting ready to take his pack off but I was in a rush to get to a sleeping spot I said to follow me. I stepped in the water and my feet quickly disappeared with each step I took. I tried many different routes in the 10 foot area but each step I took came closer to my alto voice being heard.

Brad said screw it and got all our valuables in a water resistant pouch and made his way to the highest note he could sing as he trekked through the water that ended up being about 4½-5 feet deep. Sarah followed and Spencer awed. Spencer took off and screamed as well. Craig and Rob caught up and were speechless. Neither Brad nor Craig recalls this part on their previous trip here in April, or at least they’re not saying it. Craig and Rob didn’t see the others so I was the test dog for them.

Not happy about the situation I left my one and only pair of underwear and shorts on while conquering the 50 degree water in the dark. I made it to groin height of water and stepped on my tippy toes to help and maybe save my guys but sand gave away and I sank up to my waist where my fellows had jumped to. With every step I took I screamed like Christopher Lloyd in Who Framed Rodger Rabbit when he slowly dies in the end. I did the Ice Bucket Challenge this summer and thought, hmmm, maybe this will prep me for something later in life. Nope. Nothing could help any man prep for something that cold and sudden. It was dark out and I was soaked in wet clothes and water. The wonderful news was the campsite was right there. I set the tent up, and stripped and laid in my sleeping bag with only dry socks on hoping for the best. I didn’t eat or drink anything and just went to bed. In the beginning of the trip I forgot a hoodie, and everyone else forgot one thing as well except for Brad and Craig.

The next day, I woke up and dried off my clothes to the best I could. To help the process, I thought I could take a stove flame and help dry them off a bit. I unfortunately held the flame to close for too long and set my shorts on fire. After that cooled down, It was like real fabric either. My shorts were made of this weird nylon that pretty much melted. I didn’t need plastic rubbing against my leg all day, so Sarah helped me cut those parts off. During the process, Brad woke up and caught me with only a left sleeve on my shirt and half my shorts getting lopped off. He couldn’t stop laughing.

After that, I packed the tent up and got ready for trail that remained ahead of me. I left the group early in hopes to finish it before 5:30. I could see sunlight hitting the side of the canyon and followed it quickly as possible without waiting for rest of the people. I figured they would catch up to me sooner or later but I was on a mission of “Can’t stop. Won’t stop”. It was about an hour before Rob caught up to me and Spencer joined a little after him. I was on a mission and Rob was on the same one. We hiked with Spencer for a bit before we just took off while he had a cigarette.

Rob led for a while and he would get into a Jam and I would take a different way and lead for a while. I didn’t feel well at all and wanted to puke since mile 1 and didn’t stop for many Kodak moments. Further into the canyon I can sum up like this. If I were to pretend that one side of the canyon was an ocean, it felt like I was in a tropic area searching for the lower part of the wall. There were aquatic colors in the water for the last 3-4 miles and blocks of rocks, not even boulders, that reminded me of something off a beach. Large dead trees from flash floods would be leaning on rocks to help us get around deep water spots or sometimes they would make us climb over them or crawl underneath. It was fun looking back on it as I write to you today. There were some points where we would climb rocks and take a 10 foot fall into sand instead of going waist deep in water. Waist deep water was the last thing on my list for that day.

Rob and my goal was to be finished with the hike by 4:30, an hour before we planned. At 1:30 I was over the canyon and so were my feet. Hell, it’s been two days and they still hurt. We started seeing hikers coming up stream so we knew we were getting closer. I had this bright idea to ask one couple when they started to hike. They said noon. Looking back, I think their watches were an hour behind, but at that moment, it was the greatest thing I’ve ever heard.

90 minutes to finish the trail and not have to walk again for some time sounded so amazing. That gave me a boost and we picked up the pace. We kept passing people by and 90 minutes had passed and we thought maybe five more minutes. We asked another couple and they said they had been out there for about an hour or two but taking pictures all the way up. We weren’t really sure how far. We continued to ask along the way but everyone was very far off from what they told us.

Rob and I passed a guy and came up to a water hole. I went first and tried to hug the wall as much as possible but nothing helped. I yelped like a little dog getting stepped on. My underwear was soaked along with the ¾ of shorts I had left. Just another reason I had to continue on. I did see footage of Brad going through the same spot and he didn’t hug the wall. He had his bag in the air and at the deepest point, you only see his hands and bag, the rest was submerged. I could have had it worse.

The more and more humans  I continued to see was a great feeling. Finally kids were being brought into the canyon so that told me we were very close. We passed many people and two of which, fell in the water before even having the chance to pass them. That was kind of nice knowing we weren’t the only ones. Also, the two that fell, they had walking sticks and probably better shoes than I, so that made me feel good about my $17 purchase.

The canyon ended with a curve to the right. On the left side of the wall there was water dripping down from 50 to 60 feet up. The sun was hitting the wall and giving off a nice glare. It was the light at the end of the canyon. Upon exiting the water, there was a nice paved sidewalk that I was happy to see but only for a short while because I felt like I was in a bio dome again. Rob and I got to the shuttle and saw John and Sam who hiked in that day. I feel like they had the right idea. Sam was surprised to see me alive. He then told me he read that the overnight hike doesn’t add much to the Narrows, to which I sarcastically said thanks for letting me know.

On the shuttle back a ranger pointed out the partial solar eclipse that was happening. She handed out things to look through to protect the eyes. That was a nice way to end the 16 river mile of foot slaughtering, shin bruising, knee busting, high frequency screaming hike for me. We arrived back in camp and the four others followed about an hour later. Everyone made it alive but not unharmed.